One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
