my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
