While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
