My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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