In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
