he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Randomize
