I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
