this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
