somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
