wrigley field is MILF paradise
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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