So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
