God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
