Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
