shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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