i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
