I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just pee around me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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