It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Boobs are out for the taking
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
