if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
