i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
