I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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