I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
wakey wakey hands off snakey
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
