ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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