you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
