remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
