Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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