So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
