thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Already got asked if we're dating
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
