i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
