My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
