I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
