We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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