just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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