My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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