the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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