Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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