when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
