I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
