We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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