i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
