normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
