Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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