So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
