So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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