i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
