Do you still have your period?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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