I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
