The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
