yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
