i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
