You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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