My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
