i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
