You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
