i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
