I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
