I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
