I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
