absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
