I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
