Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
