i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
